Looking Backwards to 2016 (Belated)

I realize it is July. As soon as I got back, I went from one show to another and then here we are, the year almost over, and I never shared my journaling.  Here it goes.

My word last year was Flow. I started the year with the laberyinth and flowed with the motion of the path. I suceeded the most in flow with stage combat, writing, auditions, and friendship. I focused and tried not to get in my own way. I got recommended passes in both weapons. I wrote more, honestly and well. I opened and let things flow through me. In auditions, it worked particularly well, especially with Henry and Flying V. I worked, I was specific in the refining, and then I got out of it's way.

What did I embrace?
- My grit and determination. If I wanted something to happen, I made it happen.
- Purposeful days. Days filled with joy and delight.

What did I let go of?
- Being embarrassed to back out of commitments.
- The idea that my view is the right view.
- Forcing things with Lee.
- Shutting people out because of one disagreement.

What changed for me?
- I discovered I was bisexual.
- I ate healthy and cooked Blue Apron.
- I improved in my stage combat skills.
- I cut my hair.

What did I discover about myself?
-  I need to focus on humility and service.
- I need the morning launch time.
- I can't do everything all at once.

What am I the most grateful for?
- Theatre opportunities: Sweeney, coaching with Paul, knife, YPT, Source, LLL, Helen Hayes, Broadsword, Auditioning for Brother and Flying V Fights.
- Time with people: Jazz in the Sculpture Garden, Melting Pot, new friends, hiking, chilling.

When did fear hold me back?
- When I got overwhelmed at work.
- When Trump was elected and everything started happening.

When did I practice bravery?
- When I overloaded and did it anyway.
- When I didn't shy away from difficult conversations.
- Therapy.
- Cutting off my hair.

What surprised me?
- My anger.
- Our honeymoon odyssey.
- Loving broadsword.
- Getting better at acting.
- Being asked to fight for the Welders.

What made me smile?
- Quiet coffee shops where I can read.
- New friends: Danny and Jon Jon and Niusha.
- D and D
- Lee's Advent wreath gift.
- Werewolf Halloween

What conclusions did I reach?
- I have a lot to learn.
- Compromise where you can, and where you can't, don't.
- Make space to do what you want.
- I can get better at things if I make time to do so (fighting, writing, acting).


ACCOMPLISHMENTS
- Rec Pass in Knife and Broadsword
- Grandpa's Memoirs
- Talking to Lee about our challenges

What skills helped you make it happen?
- Didn't get in my own way. Told the story.
- Kept at it even when roadblocks came up.
- Open, honest, well-timed conversations, being with each other, and having common goals.

What have you learned about yourself?
- I am now a person who can do these things.
- I got to know my grandpa and self-published a book.
- We are building something together.

CHALLENGES
- Trump
- Anger
- School

How I deal with the challenges?
- Still dealing with it. Educate myself, build empathy and understanding, donate to my causes, stand up when I need to.
- Let it flow, talk it out, assume the best.
- Take breaks, breathe, don't hold on to useless things.

What have you learned about yourself?
- The world is not moving in the direction we thought.
- I am not "nice." I am more than that.
- I need time and space and I am fighting for it.

Favorite day of 2016:
The day Lee and I went on our Big Island Odyssey. We saw volcanoes, trudged on lava rock, saw petroglyphs, went to the cliffs at the edge of the world, faced our demons, saw where the gods fought, cried in the car, sat in silence, and then created a raw, new partnership, made promises, and journeyed together.

Gifts of 2016:
- sword fighting
- reading quietly in cafes
- labyrinth
- growth-filled projects
- dates with friends and family
- simple pleasures of hearth and home
- walking in the woods
- moments of prayer and meditation
- moments of breaking and healing
- centering, guiding dreams.
- mandated rest
- A Wind in the Door and other touchstones
- working with Grandpa
- Casey saying I was "Quickly becoming the best in the city."
- breaking past relationship barriers
- runes
- melting pot.

Describe 2016 in 3 words:
Break. Heal. Grow

If the Events of 2016 were made into a film or book, what would it be called:
The Life-Death Cycle.

Goodbye to:
- Excess
- Time fillers
- Over-scheduling
- Prejudice
- Fear and Ignorance
- Getting in my own way
- Ego.