"Walk without a stick into the darkest woods. Believe the fairy tale is true."
- Cheryl Strayed
I just wanted to give a quick update with where I am in my New Years resolution for Flow and my journal commitments I gave at the beginning of the year. Strangely enough, I think I am doing ok!
I have been finding opportunities for flow. I haven't been writing too much, but I have been writing more than usual, and I have been finding flow in my stage combat. I have been listening more to myself and to other people. I began to keep a journal of aesthetics and ideas and have begun crafting an idea for a story out of the images and themes that are important to me and that embody my voice. I have been listening to what my body needs and eating and sleeping when important and taking a break when I need to, while still getting things done. Blue Apron has helped me make home-cooked, healthy, balanced, seasonal meals and I have been getting around 7 hours of sleep each night.
I have also reached a place of humility and confidence combined. I know that I am good at what I do, but that there is always more to learn. It is a nice place to be.
In my head, I am doing better at work, introducing programming during Library Week, and changing my perspective on the administration. I have been reading more, though still not as much as I would like. I have a Read-a-Thon coming up. I have taken steps on our shared accounts to be financially responsible, though I still have a ways to go with my personal accounts. I have taken the opportunity to be a storyteller in theater, not just an actor, though I would love time to write more.
In my heart, I love Lee and I feel our relationship is strong, but it has suffered lately due to separation, I think. We had a beautiful night one night where we played and loved and talked in bed and didn't go to our separate night time routines. We were with each other and I loved that. We need more of that. Hopefully when our shows end and we go on the honeymoon, we will dig in deep to the time we spend together. I am accomplishing my resolution to talk with my family once a month, and have a friend date once a month, so that is going well!
In my soul, I am setting aside time for myself and keeping it sacred. I take my headphones off when I feel that I need it, and turn the TV off too when it is time. I bought a great meditation pillow which helps my back, but I have not yet meditated. I did spend a lovely night reading in my chair with a Sacral Chakra candle burning, and I need to do more of that. I have done some yoga and lots of massages, but not enough praying or writing. I feel I am listening a bit better, though.
In my physical world, I think I am getting there. I can feel my core now, and know what it is to engage it. I am doing frequent combat classes and learning. I am singing a bit, and need to focus on my singing and speaking voice more: deepening it and supporting it. I am taking acting lessons, getting better at my craft. I did the KonMari method of cleaning my house a bit, and it has worked in the areas I did it. I need to do it a bit more though. Clothes are getting there. I had a massive clothing swap and I am liking what I have, but there are still a few duds.
Air
I think my anxiety has let go of me, for the most part. It is an amazing feeling. To think I lived in constant fear all that time. It comes back occasionally, but never to the degree that it did. Mostly my fears have a name. I am doing well in putting aside pockets of unscheduled time, though I rarely use that time to write.
Water
I am doing well here. I am taking time for people. I eat and sleep well. I just need more Lee time without the TV, I need to pray more, and I need to write.
Fire
I am incredibly proud of myself in this venue. Every project I take on challenges me in some way. I was finally acknowledged as a respected player in the fight community when Casey asked me to participate in Shakespeare's Birthday Party fight demonstration, even though I couldn't do it that year. I have my asethetic notebook. I follow my impulses. I am about to reach out about archery. But I do not write.
Earth
I have begun to use my anxiety to fuel me, rather than tamp it down. I occasionally, though not consistently, live in my house, and not in my TV. I cook and sing and listen to music. I do want to find a way to center before every day and take more time in nature.
I have engendered a culture of reading at Cardozo, or at least the start of one, and I did blow them away with knife, getting a recommended pass with no notes. We will see about broadsword.
All in all, I think I am doing ok. I need to focus on praying, writing, exercising, and deepening the time I spend with Lee.
