I have been reading a really great book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Actually I listened to it, and immediately bought it and underlined most of it. There are many great takeaways from it:
1) You are what you are willing to suffer for. Instead of avoiding the pain, you have found something that is more important than the pain.
2) Life is a series of problems. You work to get a new house. You get it and now the next set of problems are involving paying for it and repairing it. Happiness lies in finding the problems you enjoy solving.
3) There are two different kinds of entitled people. One thinks they have a destiny and should get stuff because they are on the verge of greatness. The other thinks that their problems are unique and so should get stuff because no one has it as bad as them. You are not special. You are a person like everyone else.
4) Failure is good. Failure means you can learn and change. Those who are the most successful have often failed the most often and then done something with it.
5) There is a difference between responsibility and fault. It is that guy's fault for rear ending you. How you handle it is your responsibility. You are in control of that.
6) Unhealthy relationships involve two people not taking responcibility for their own problems and/ or trying to take responsibility for their partner's problems. Healthy relationships involve two people taking responsibility for their own problems and supporting the other while they do.
7) Pain is good. You should feel it. Pain means something is wrong and you should pay attention and deal with it. If you spend your life trying to avoid pain, you will never grow or change.
Lots of really great stuff in there. It has helped me a lot over the last few weeks. In re-reading it, one part stood out to me. A huge tenant of his writing is the idea of values and metrics. One cause of an unsatisfactory life is that either your values or your metrics are messed up. For example, if you become a famous rockstar, but your metric is that in order to have "made it" you must be better than another band, you are lost. Metrics must be something achievable internally, and they must be things that can continue to be worked on. (not "Buy a house" because once you bought a house, you need a new thing).
So anyway, it got me thinking. What are my actual values and how should I measure them. So I started collecting values. It really helped to get them on paper, and many of them were not what I expected. Maybe my values have changed recently.
Bravery
Curiosity
Adventure
Creativity
Empathy
Exploration
Flow
Grace
Grit
Growth
Imagination
Integrity
Intuition
Listening
Respect
Service
Stillness
Wonder
I realized today that, before, my two main values, the ones by which I judged my life, were being liked by everyone, and being the best. Those are horrible values, and the metrics are all external. So it was kind of cool to go through lists of values and see what really resonated with me once I gave those up.
Exploration, bravery, grit, imagination, integrity, empathy, growth, intuition. It makes me wonder if Jon Jon is right and I am a Gryffindor after all.
I am trying to narrow down the values to a manageable amount, but it is a challenge.
Courage, Curiosity, Integrity, Intuition, Compassion, and Wonder seem to be the main, most important, most specific ones.
Courage means engaging with a brave heart, even though I am scared. It means being open and vulnerable, and letting things come as they may. Not being closed off and trying to control everything. To face challenges with grit and grace.
Curiosity means not being afraid to ask difficult questions, to explore, to always try to see deeper, to get to the root of an issue, to seek out things I do not understand, to step into mysteries with an open mind.
Intuition means to listen to my inner voice. To leave my brain clear enough and ready enough to receive that voice.
Compassion means to always assume the best, to be with people, to listen, to share, to put them first, to comfort, care, and help. To look with empathy, to see the light and humanity of everyone.
Wonder means to never become jaded with what the world brings, with the gifts I have, with the marvelousness of the universe. To recognize the sacred in everyday moments and seek to appreciate and be thankful for the beauty of our world.
Integrity means that I am true to my word. I live my values. I am true to myself and my community. Trustworthy. Whole. I make sure I am physically and mentally able to do my best. I respond, rather than react.
I am going to put these metrics everywhere as a reminder, and try to engage with the world using those values and metrics. I will succeed at my life if I live those values every day.
The cool thing is, these seem to be the qualities you would want in the Queen of Narnia.
