30

"When you think about... really honing your craft, there are certainly people who have hit it in their twenties, but really late 30's early 40's are where you see people really hone it in.... That's really the time where you've fucked around, you've experimented with who you are, and then you really kind of get a solid idea and then its on." - Chris Hardwick

Well, everyone, I'm 30. So much has happened. Let me bring you up to the present.

First, my 30x30 ended. I did not finish all of them, but I was pushed to accomplish more goals than I ever thought I would, and never would have even challenged myself to do without the list.

Goals I accomplished
2) Fly an airplane. (5/11/14)
3) Go hang gliding. (completed 6/17/10)
6) Take a dance class in something that scares me like jazz or contemporary. (3/27/14)
10) Play a significant part in a Shakespeare play I love. (9/30/10)
11) Write poetry from the heart. (4/23/11)
12) Visit Massachusetts and walk the Freedom Trail. (8/15/13)
15) Learn to skate well. (2/2/11)
17) Dye my hair blue. (8/2/13)
20) Go hiking and camp out overnight.  (8/16/13)
21) Fly in a hot-air balloon. (8/14/13)
24) Spend a vacation  just living, rather than tourist-trap hopping. (12/31/12)
25) Spend a day completely unplugged. No cell phone, no computer, no nothing. (12/29/12)
27) Finish a crossword. (completed 4/7/11)

I have technically finished 4) Finish Grad School with a Masters in Library and Information Science. However, it is not officially in the system yet. I finished all my classes, just am waiting for them to confer the degree in January.

Total: 14

Goals I began or came really close to accomplishing
1) Learn a foreign language: I have been using Rosetta Stone for Spanish and Duolingo for French, but have not gotten up to a level where I feel I have "learned" the language.
8) Take a martial arts class: I went to Aikedo for one day, and I liked it. It was just too much for my schedule at that time.
18) Learn to play the violin: I took many classes with Jon Jon. My goal for this was to play a one of my target pieces of music like the theme to the Granada Sherlock Holmes. This has not yet happened.
23) Finish writing a novel: I have started my Monsters in the University novel and worked on it for several years. However, November has always been to overwhelming to finish. Maybe this NaNoWriMo.
26) Save $10,000. I was so close. I saved about $8,000 in my savings, and almost double my goal in my retirement fund, though I wasn't sure if that counted. Still, well done! Most money I have ever had.
28) Relearn legible (and pretty) handwriting, including my signature: I have been working my way through a handwriting book. Once I finish that, and can sign my name with patience, I think I will be ok.
30) Find my spiritual home: I have found a church in DC that I like, Sacred Heart in Columbia Heights, but not enough to motivate me going there every Sunday. Honestly, the most sacred space I ever found was in Deep Creek Lake, in the snow, among the trees. I want to find a place like that, a Godswood in Silver Spring that I can visit for contemplation.

Total: 7

Goals I didn't even start
5) Be able to do pull-ups.
7) Get something published.
9) Play a significant part in a musical I love.
13) Volunteer for an organization that does good things, like Habitat for Humanity or a neighborhood cleanup.
14) Participate in a charitable walk/ run. 
16) Learn how to ride my bike without fear.
19) Go on an archaeological dig.
22) Create my family tree.
29) Stargaze in a place without light pollution.

Well, "didn't even start" is not accurate. I researched all of these. Some were not feasible in the time frame. Some were out of my control. Some were attempted multiple times, but the gods were not with me.

Total: 9

So all in all, I think I did pretty well! Many of these will move over to my 40x40 list. Many may just be unimportant to me now.

I am proud of myself for accomplishing so many goals that I never would have even attempted without this list.

Now, to catch you up from May...

I dramaturged two shows, Flying V Fights: Love is a Battle Field and Rorschach's She Kills Monsters. Both were fantastic in their own ways. Flying V Fights had a massive range of topics to research from gay MMA fighters to Buster Keaton. It was a tour-de-force and every actor got to showcase what made them special. SKM had more focused research: Dungeons and Dragons and the 1990s. SKM ended up being very special for me, a project close to my heart. I loved to watch it change and develop over time and watch the actors and director sculpt the play into something powerful and heartfelt.

I got a new job. I left CUAdrama which had been my home for 10+ years to venture into a new world of librarianship and public schools. I had a very hard time at the beginning. Everything was new and my anxiety was in full swing. However, I believe it is getting better. I am building relationships and a reputation for being a good librarian. I had a Dean whom I have never really talked to stop me in the hallway today to say what I great job I was doing with the library. I hope that it continues in this way and that my anxiety doesn't return to scuttle me.

I went to the ALA Conference in Las Vegas with Lee. I learned a lot and got to experience that crazy Adult Epcot Center of a city.

I took my comps. That was an ordeal. I got them in just under the wire, and passed, thank goodness.

I saw two baseball games: one with Lee's family at the Ironbirds stadium with crabs and the other with my family at the Os stadium as they played the Yankees. Both were fantastic and fun!

I started seeing someone for my anxiety. We will see how that goes.

I also took a rapier and dagger class which had some amazingly exhilarating moments. The blood pumps and you get into the flow and everything is executed perfectly and you feel so amazing! I am so thankful I have the money now to continue to pursue stage combat. It makes me so happy.

And finally, to catch you up to last week, I participated in the most fun Klecksography I have ever done. The theme was movie monsters. Frankenstein's Monster, the Invisible Man, a Werewolf, the Mummy, Dracula and the Creature from the Black Lagoon all sat around a campfire and told stories of what scared them. I was in a really fun piece about the Mummy. I played the archaeologist who came to dig him up. They flirt and talk for a while, but it turns out she is the reincarnation of his wife whom he killed, and he ends up killing her in an amazing overhead lift choke hold! It was one of my favorite moments on stage ever. The rest of the plays were wonderful, and the group of artists working on the piece were talented and genuinely lovely.

And now I am 30 and I like it.

I feel more confidant and more solid.

I know what I want, and I know how to get it, and if I cannot get it, that is ok.

I was asked by Melissa a few weeks ago what I would do with my life if I had all the money in the world. I told her I would build a castle with an armory and a library where all children and young adults and adults who still loved those stories could come and read. I would have a Fokker bi-plane and fly it everywhere. I would fight with swords and ride horses and play my violin.

And I realized I am pretty close to having some version of that. I am learning to fight with swords. I have flown a plane. I run a library. I can play some violin. I live near a horse farm. Lee and I have talked about saving for a house.

Regardless of what happens in the future, I have the potential to live some version of a dream I thought was unattainable when I wrote it as a mock obituary several years ago.

Soon, I will marry the love of my life. I have rediscovered my passion and need for theatre now that I work full time in a library. I am excited about the world and what I can accomplish.

Life is good.

P.S. Here is me in my Halloween costume as Alanna, a character who had a huge influence on me growing up. Full circle.

30x30: Fly an Airplane

Well, I flew an airplane! My parent's got me the lesson and flight for Christmas, and my daddy and I went this past Sunday. This was one of the items I thought would be one of the hardest to accomplish without a lot of training. It turns out, flying a plane is like driving a really old and stubborn car that travels up and down as well as forwards and backwards. I felt like I was in our old 90s Tempo again.

We had no ground class, and went straight out to the plane. We went through the pre-flight check, which is really complicated. The inside dashboard looked like a mix of organ parts and dials with many knobs and old school switches and buttons. Our instructor kept in contact with the tower, and they gave her the number designation for our plane so that they could keep track of us. I learned how to steer with my feet, using the floor petals to control the plane on the ground. It almost felt like a bicycle, leaning one way and then the other to get the plane to move in a straight line. Then we taxied down the run way, I pushed the throttle all the way in, and when we got up to 60 mph, I lifted us off the ground. It was incredible!

I was wobbly at first, trying to wrap my head around what I was doing and how high I was and that I was flying a plane. Once I got used to it, though, it was like driving a car. Granted a car that tilted when you turned, but still a car. It felt like the plane wanted to be in the air. I did have a harder time steering than I expected because, unlike a car, you don't have to fight wind currents to get the flaps on your wings to move.

 

Unfortunately, I got airsick, and so I didn't get to fly home or land for fear of throwing up, but I did it! I flew a plane!

I think I liked the hot air balloon better, because it was peaceful and I didn't have to steer, and you really got the sense of flying like a bird might fly. The closed cockpit in the plane gave you a certain detachment from it all. Perhaps when I have more money and a car, I will attempt to fly a WWI plane with an open cockpit. A Fokker bi-plane or maybe a Sopwith Camel!

But I have flown a plane, and experienced what many of my heroes have experienced, like Beryl Markham and Amelia Earhardt.

And Young Indiana Jones, Charles Nungesser, Raoul Lufbery, Anthony Fokker, Baron Von Richthofen, and Snoopy.

This is the whole reason why I wanted to do this in the first place: Young Indiana Jones and the Attack of the Hawkmen. Talk about access points for history.

30x30: Scary Dance Class

Bet you thought I had forgotten about my 30x30, huh?

I have now completed #6: Take a dance class in something that scares me, like jazz or contemporary. I took a dance class in the scariest of all scary dances: hip hop.

I was petrified on the first day, but it turned out that the class was only really two scared white girls with no swag like me. We lost our original teacher after the first day (he moved to Vegas) and we got a wonderful teacher named Christina who was really skilled and patient with us. It was amazing having my friend Mel with me. It kept us light and not to much in our heads.

Hip hop is the exact opposite of how my body moves. It is grounded and dirty, where as my training in ballet makes me aerial and precise. I had to force myself to make it less than perfect, make it my own, have a strong base. It was like the earthbending of dance. It was only an hour a week for 6 weeks, and I felt I was just getting the hang of it as we ended.

I think it would be good for me to continue in some fashion to get that kind of grounded and strong movement into my body. I often come across as indecisive or flighty with my movements. When I engage my core and plant myself, I feel more confidant and powerful. Hip hop might help me get there.

Alas, funding is always an issue, and I need that money to move onto my next class for 30x30. Martial arts.

Here is an example of what I wish I could do but is too advanced for me. It also kinda exemplifies what I am talking about with Ballet vs. Hip Hop.

30x30 Blitz

Hey everyone! Long time no see!

Life has been a little crazy, even though it is supposed to be my time to chill. It is October, and hopefully once it feels more like October and I hit my 29th birthday later this week, I will have a more introspective post. However, I wanted to let you know that I did accomplish several things on my 30x30 this summer, with the help of my brother and my parents!

17) Dye my Hair Blue (August 2, 2013)

It was pretty great while it lasted, and everyone kept encouraging me to keep it, but I started to miss my brown, so I went back.

21) Fly in a Hot Air Balloon (August 14, 2013)

This was an amazing experience. My dad and I got up at 3am so we could get a sunrise launch on the eastern shore. It was so quiet and peaceful, and I got to pick leaves from the tops of trees. The fire roared powerfully each time he pulled the trigger to keep us aloft. We ended up crash landing in some corn as the stalks whipped by our faces and sprayed us with dew.

12) Visit Massachusetts and Walk the Freedom Trail (August 15, 2013)

I walked the entirety of the Freedom Trail in Boston (with my luggage) in one day. All 2.5 miles of it. I wish that I had more time there, because most places I did not get to explore, I just had to take a picture and breeze by. But I had to catch a bus to Concord to see Louisa May Alcott's House and Walden. It was a wonderful experience, and Walden was a perfect place to rest. My total walking with a backpack that day: 7.4 miles.

20) Go hiking and Camp Out Overnight (August 16, 2013)

I went to Massachusetts mainly to visit my brother, and it was pretty great. We went hiking near on a waterfall, we camped out overnight with cheese and beer and roasted hot dogs on sticks. Then we went canoeing the next day. Quality time with the bro. 

Only 19 more to do! In a year. Fingers crossed!

Trying to Regain Control

Jorge Mascarenhas

“Now ... if you trust in yourself ... and believe in your dreams ... and follow your star ... you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy. Goodbye.” - The Wee Free Men, Terry Pratchett

Since Livejournal has been acting weirder than usual lately, I have saved all my entries in Word and move platforms to blogger!

I wanted to give a report about life and how I am doing with my year goals so far.

I am succeeding at certain things:

1) I believe I have begun to be more present when people talk to me, not interrupting or jumping to the next thing in my head.

2) I've also got a reading nook now, curtsy of Lee for our anniversary! I just need to use it more.

3) I have cut out my morning TV entirely. Instead I check e-mail (when I didn't, I would miss important messages about the day ahead before leaving the house), and then I meditate on a reading from a daily Narnia reading book, and then I read my fun book while I eat breakfast.

I am still working on other things:

1) Keeping active and eating healthier. I've got a wellness coach, but I missed our last meeting. I've been using Supertracker to track my food intake (calories, food groups, processed vs not). I have not been exercising at all. Yet in one month, I lost 10 pounds, which I did not want to do. No idea how it happened.

2) Not multitasking: I have been getting better at not watching TV and playing on the computer at the same time, but I still suck at listening to podcasts and webinars and trying to do work at work.

3) Making fewer commitments. My summer schedule laughs at this idea. It is difficult to make fewer commitments and yet try to accomplish all of your goals.

4) Not choosing TV first. This is probably the real reason why I have no time to accomplish my goals.

5) Taking time for me. Time for me = TV and internet right now. I've been skipping lunch at work too, which is a time when I go outside and read. I need to focus more on reading, walking, archery, and prayer/meditation. Can anyone recommend a good daily guided meditation?

6) Money. All my money goes to food and presents for other people. I'm still using my budget system, but I think I need to make it a bit less fluid and have a set amount I am allowed to spend on food and presents.

I've been feeling really scattered, fuzzy and reactionary lately. Partially because of poor diet and exercise, partially because this summer is full of activities and uncertainty. I have two shows and two classes. Both of the shows are having a difficult time giving me schedules. One show, I am uncertain exactly what they need me to do, and the other show, I have a huge case of impostor syndrome. I'm working with a lot of amazing fight people and I feel so out of shape and inexperienced. And I just got syllabi for my classes and they both look pretty intense. I had to turn down an audition for a show I really wanted to do just to keep my sanity. Which I think is a good thing: part of my goals was saying no to stuff and winnowing down to activities that really serve me.

I have been doing a lot of Sipping and Painting lately, where you go with friends to the Living Social building down town and sip wine while painting a picture. It is an awesome focuser and confidence builder (most of the time). I've painted three rather nice paintings that I am proud of.

Done lots of other fun things: had a clothing swap, went to several parties, went ice skating on the last day you could, had a board game day, Lee came with me and visited my church for Seder and Holy Thursday, took a fun tango lesson with Lee, went to Helen Hayes, saw several shows, and survived the 75th Anniversary of the drama department.

I'm also working on a few of my 30x30. I'm going to church next Sunday with several liberal Catholics to try and find a spiritual home. I have a person who is willing to go camping with me overnight.

I have also accomplished several of my professional goals: head shots and business cards!

I feel like I just have to get on top of things, get into a routine, take more time for myself and watch less TV. I'm thinking of even having a TV/ internet free week this summer.

We'll see. Making progress, just not as much progress as I would like. I will leave you with this awesome cartoon that sums up my life perfectly: