My Name is Megan Reichelt, and I am Angry.

So I am angry, and I didn't know it. Which explains a lot.

I went to a wellness coach and we talked a lot about my life and emotional states and health, and from that, she determined that, according to Chinese medicine, I am currently ruled by my gall bladder and liver. This means anger.

I have never thought of myself as an angry person. In fact I have actually avoided being an angry person. I hide when there is conflict. But I have this side of me that wants to smash things. I never knew where that side came from, until I realized that a lot of the times I am stressed or frustrated, I am actually angry. I deal with anger in a few ways: I sing, I cry, or I close it off in a little box and never talk about it again.

I think of myself as the nice one, the timid one, the one who is so sure it is her fault. I never actually allow myself to say "I am really angry right now" because anger is for powerful people, people who know they are right.

Last night, though, I got very angry, and I actually acknowledged it as anger. I had to keep it inside because it was not appropriate to express, but I felt it bottling up in my lower left side. My lips were tingling and I had shortness of breath, and I could feel myself vacillating back and forth between fiery rage and ice cold contempt.

Previously to this conversation, I would have said I am stressed and frustrated. Now, I know I am angry. It doesn't mean I am right. It doesn't mean I have permission to blow the subject of my anger out of the water with a fireball. But it does mean that I am properly identifying my emotions now, and I think in the long run, that will help me.

I just have to figure out mature ways to 1) expel and 2) express my anger without letting it eek out like steam vents in inappropriate moments and areas of my life, or to friends who feel the unintentional heat.

I've tried singing, I've tried journaling, I've tried drawing pictures, I've tried sleeping on it, I've tried talking about it with friends other than the one I am mad with. The problem is that I feel like what will really make it better is to talk to the person I am mad at, but there is never an appropriate time.

I am going to lift some heavy things and help my friends, and hope that this will help calm me down for what I am hoping will be a very healing pool party, but it may also make everything worse.